I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
