When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
