I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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