i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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