my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
