just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize