Walk of Shame today included voting.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
