Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
