I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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