Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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