Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
