i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think my tv is drunk
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
