There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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