It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
