I just pynch a tree in the face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
