Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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