There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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