never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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