and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
