So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
