five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
