I cut my penus on the lid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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