I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Even my vagina gasped.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize