Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
where am i from again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
