Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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