whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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