omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
