dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize