Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
