i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Two words: nipple clamps
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