420 ftw
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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