i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
