I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
