my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
