he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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