Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
