in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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