How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
