Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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