i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
