ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize