the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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