peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
