I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
