I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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