I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
