I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
