On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
