I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
