hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
