I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
