So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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