I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
