it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
