I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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