Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
