JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
