One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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