The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, beer. Big fan.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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