Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
