I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize