i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
sex in a hospital.. check
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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