Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
