is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
