girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
