wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
